Lana Elliott

Through both her coaching and her writing, Lana aims to create spaces where people feel seen, heard, and supported as they begin to heal and move forward.

Domestic abuse is more than physical violence — and that matters, because so many people don’t realise what they’re living in until they’ve been living in it for years. Looking back on my own past relationships, I can now see patterns of abuse that at the time were completely invisible to me. There were no bruises. Nothing I could point to and say, “That is what this is.” And that’s exactly what makes it so hard to name. 

It can include fear, control, threats, emotional abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, stalking, isolation, humiliation and coercive control. It can happen in intimate relationships or between family members. And it can affect anyone — women, men, LGBTQ+ people, disabled people, older adults, young people and people from every background, in every kind of household.

The latest UK domestic abuse figures show how widespread the issue remains. They also show a deeply worrying link between domestic abuse and suicide risk.

It is important to be clear from the start. The figures do not show that more than half of all domestic abuse cases lead to suicide. That would not be accurate. What the latest figures do show is that, within recorded domestic abuse-related deaths, suspected suicides following domestic abuse are now a major and rising concern.

In the year ending March 2025, the Crime Survey for England and Wales estimated that 3.8 million people aged 16 and over experienced domestic abuse. That is around 1 in 13 people. The Office for National Statistics also reported that around 12.5 million people aged 16 and over had experienced domestic abuse since the age of 16. That is around 1 in 4 people.

The Domestic Homicide Project recorded 347 domestic abuse-related deaths in the year to March 2025 — 150 of which were suspected suicides following domestic abuse, and 80 intimate partner homicides. Domestic abuse, in other words, can be life-threatening in ways that don’t always look like what we imagine when we picture danger. 

Behind every statistic is a person. Someone who may have felt frightened. Someone who may have felt trapped. Someone who may have been controlled, isolated or worn down over time. Someone who deserved safety and support much earlier.

This article looks at what the latest figures tell us, why domestic abuse can have such a huge impact on mental health, how to recognise the signs, and where people in the UK can get help.

What counts as domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse is not just physical violence.

The NHS explains that domestic violence or abuse can include physical, emotional and sexual abuse in couple relationships or between family members. It can happen to anyone.

Domestic abuse may include:

• Threats involving children, pets, housing, money or immigration status
• Physical violence
• Threats or intimidation
• Emotional abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Financial or economic abuse
• Coercive control
• Stalking
• Digital monitoring
• Isolation from friends or family
• Humiliation
• Controlling where someone goes, who they see or what they spend

Some people know they are being abused. Others may feel confused. This is common when the abuse is mainly emotional or controlling.

A person may think, “They have never hit me, so maybe it is not abuse.” But abuse does not have to leave a bruise to be real.

If someone is changing their behaviour because they are scared of another person’s reaction, that matters. If someone feels watched, trapped, blamed or controlled, that matters too.

The latest UK domestic abuse figures

The latest figures from the Office for National Statistics show that domestic abuse remains a major issue in England and Wales.

For the year ending March 2025, the Crime Survey for England and Wales estimated that:

• 3.8 million people aged 16 and over experienced domestic abuse in the last year.
• This was around 7.8% of people aged 16 and over.
• Around 2.2 million females and 1.5 million males experienced domestic abuse in the last year.
• Around 12.5 million people have experienced domestic abuse since the age of 16.

Police also recorded 1,350,460 domestic abuse-related incidents and crimes in England and Wales in the year ending March 2025. Of these, 816,493 were recorded as domestic abuse-related crimes.

More information and figures can be found at the Office for National Statistics domestic abuse figures or by following the link below.

These numbers are already high. But they are unlikely to show the full picture.

Many people do not report domestic abuse to the Police. Some people are afraid that reporting will make the abuse worse. Some are worried they will not be believed. Some depend on the person harming them for money, housing, transport or childcare. Others may not yet recognise what is happening as abuse.

Domestic abuse can be hidden for years. It can happen in homes that look calm from the outside. It can happen in relationships that other people think are “normal”. It can happen to people who seem confident, capable and successful.

Domestic abuse and suicide risk

One of the most concerning findings from the latest domestic abuse-related death figures is the number of suspected suicides following domestic abuse.

The Domestic Homicide Project recorded 347 domestic abuse-related deaths in the year to March 2025. This included 150 suspected suicides following domestic abuse. Reports also show that suspected suicides following domestic abuse have overtaken intimate partner homicides for the third year in a row.

This does not mean that suicide is inevitable for survivors of domestic abuse. It is not. Many survivors do rebuild their lives, especially when they have safe support, protection, community and time.

But the figures do show that domestic abuse can place a person under extreme emotional pressure.

Abuse can make someone feel:

• trapped
• ashamed
• frightened
• watched
• powerless
• isolated
• exhausted
• responsible for the abuser’s behaviour
• unable to see a safe way forward

This can be even harder when coercive control is involved.

Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour. Used to dominate, frighten and limit another person’s freedom. It can include threats, monitoring, isolation, financial control, emotional manipulation and punishment.

A person living with coercive control may not feel able to make simple choices. They may feel they have to ask permission. They may feel unsafe saying no. They may feel that any attempt to leave will lead to danger, revenge or the loss of everything.

Over time, this can affect a person’s mental health deeply. It can lead to anxiety, depression, trauma symptoms, panic, sleep problems, shame, hopelessness and suicidal thoughts.

This is why domestic abuse needs to be taken seriously, even when there are no physical injuries.

Emotional abuse can be deeply damaging.

Emotional abuse was the most common type of domestic abuse recorded by the Crime Survey for England and Wales for the year ending March 2025. The ONS reported that around 5.0% of people aged 16 and over experienced emotional abuse in the last year.

Emotional abuse can include:

• being constantly criticised
• being blamed for everything
• being called names
• being humiliated in private or public
• being told no one else would want you
• being made to doubt your memory
• being told you are “too sensitive”
• being threatened
• being ignored or punished with silence
• being made to feel guilty for having needs
• being made to feel responsible for the abuser’s mood

This type of abuse can slowly change how someone sees themselves.

They may start to believe they are the problem. They may stop trusting their own judgement. They may feel they have to explain, apologise or prove themselves all the time.

In my work as a trauma-informed life coach, this is one of the patterns I see most often. People arrive not always knowing they’ve been abused — but knowing something has been deeply wrong with how they see themselves. The rebuilding often starts there, with simply being believed.

Domestic abuse affects women and men.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone.

The ONS estimated that, in the year ending March 2025, 2.2 million females and 1.5 million males experienced domestic abuse in England and Wales. The prevalence rates were 9.1% for females and 6.5% for males.

Women are more likely to experience certain forms of severe and repeated abuse. Women are also more likely to be killed by a partner or ex-partner. But men can also experience domestic abuse, and their experiences should not be dismissed.

Male victims may feel shame, fear or confusion. They may worry that people will not believe them. They may fear being laughed at or judged. They may also worry that services are not for them.

Support is available for male victims too. The Men’s Advice Line offers confidential advice, practical information and non-judgemental support for male victims of domestic abuse. It also welcomes trans and non-binary people who feel this is the right service for them.

No one deserves abuse. Support should be available to anyone who is being harmed, controlled or frightened.

Young people and domestic abuse

Domestic abuse does not only happen in long-term adult relationships.

The ONS reported that people aged 16 to 19 and 20 to 24 had higher levels of domestic abuse in the last year compared with people aged 25 and over.

This matters because abuse in young relationships is sometimes minimised. It may be dismissed as jealousy, drama, immaturity or “just a bad relationship”. But controlling behaviour is serious at any age.

In young relationships, abuse may look like:

• checking someone’s phone
• demanding passwords
• tracking someone’s location
• pressuring someone sexually
• threatening to share private images
• isolating someone from friends
• making someone prove where they are
• constant messaging
• Jealousy presented as love
• threats of self-harm if the person leaves

The Domestic Homicide Project has also recorded serious concerns around teenage relationship abuse, including the first formally recorded suspected suicide following teenage relationship abuse, where both the victim and suspect were under 18.

Young people need clear, safe education about healthy relationships. They need to know that love should not feel like fear. They also need adults who will listen without judgment.

Why people may not leave straight away

One of the most harmful questions people ask about domestic abuse is, “Why didn’t they just leave?”

For me and many others, that shift in question — from blame to curiosity — can change everything. It’s a lifeline for anyone who has spent years feeling like they have to justify themselves. 

Leaving is not always simple. In some cases, leaving can be the most dangerous time.

A person may stay because:

• They are afraid of what the abuser will do
• They are threatened
• They have nowhere safe to go
• They have children
• They depend on the abuser financially
• They are worried about pets
• They fear losing their home
• They are being monitored
• They have been isolated from support
• They feel ashamed
• They still love the person
• They hope things will change
• They have tried to leave before and were pulled back in

Abuse can also create deep confusion. The same person who causes fear may also apologise, cry, promise change or show kindness afterwards. This can make the survivor feel torn.

A trauma-informed response does not ask, “Why didn’t you leave?”

It asks, “What made it unsafe or difficult to leave, and what support do you need now?”

Signs someone may be experiencing domestic abuse

Someone may not say, “I am being abused.” They may not have the words yet. They may also be afraid the abuser will find out.

Signs may include:

• becoming withdrawn
• cancelling plans often
• seeming nervous around their partner or family member
• needing permission to do things
• having little access to money
• being constantly checked on
• unexplained injuries
• sudden changes in confidence
• becoming isolated
• seeming exhausted or numb
• being afraid to make decisions
• always apologising
• changing how they dress or behave
• appearing anxious about getting home on time
• saying their partner “doesn’t like” certain friends or family members

These signs do not prove abuse on their own. But they can be a reason to check in gently.

You might say:

“I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself lately. I’m not here to judge you, but I’m worried about you. Is anyone making you feel unsafe?”

If they do open up, try not to rush them. Believe them. Stay calm. Let them know the abuse is not their fault.

Safety planning and online safety

If someone is experiencing domestic abuse, safety planning can be important.

A safety plan may include:

• keeping important documents somewhere safe
• saving emergency numbers under a different name
• keeping some money, medication or keys accessible if possible
• planning where to go in an emergency
• arranging a code word with a trusted person
• speaking to a specialist domestic abuse service
• thinking carefully before telling the abuser you are leaving
• checking phone, app and location settings if safe to do so

Online safety also matters.

Some abusers monitor phones, emails, cloud accounts, social media, banking apps, location sharing, smart devices or search history. The NHS domestic abuse guidance notes that Women’s Aid provides information on how to cover your tracks online if you are worried someone may see that you have visited a domestic abuse webpage.

If you are worried you are being monitored, it may be safer to use a trusted friend’s phone, a work device, a library computer or another safe device when looking for help.

Where to get help for domestic abuse in the UK

If you are in immediate danger, call 999.

If you cannot speak and you are calling from a mobile, the Silent Solution system may help. A recorded message will tell callers who cannot talk to press 55 to be put through to the Police.

National Domestic Abuse Helpline

The National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, is available on 0808 2000 247. Refuge states that the helpline offers confidential, non-judgemental support and information on your options, day or night.

NHS domestic abuse guidance

The NHS domestic abuse guidance explains what domestic abuse can look like, how to recognise signs, and where to get help. It also reminds people that domestic abuse can happen to anyone.

Men’s Advice Line

The Men’s Advice Line supports male victims of domestic abuse. It offers confidential advice, non-judgemental support, practical information and help.

Galop

Galop supports LGBT+ people experiencing abuse or violence, including domestic abuse, sexual violence, hate crime and other forms of harm. Galop lists its National Helpline for LGBT+ victims and survivors of abuse and violence as 0800 999 5428 and help@galop.org.uk.

SignHealth Deaf Domestic Abuse Service

SignHealth provides a specialist domestic abuse and sexual violence service for deaf people. It lists contact details as text only, 07800 003421 and email da@signhealth.org.uk.

Samaritans

If you feel unable to cope or are having suicidal thoughts, you can contact Samaritans on 116 123. This number is free to call in the UK.

How trauma-informed support can help

Domestic abuse can affect a person long after the relationship or situation ends.

A survivor may feel anxious, numb, disconnected, guilty, ashamed, angry or exhausted. They may struggle with trust, boundaries, sleep, confidence or decision-making. They may find themselves people-pleasing, over-explaining, freezing during conflict, or feeling responsible for other people’s emotions.

These responses are not signs of weakness. They are often survival responses.

Trauma-informed support can help people begin to understand what has happened to them without blame. It can help survivors rebuild safety, self-trust and confidence at their own pace.

This kind of support should never pressure someone to share more than they are ready to share. It should not judge them for staying, leaving, returning, feeling confused or needing time. Healing after abuse is not always simple. It is often a gradual process of feeling safe enough to reconnect with yourself again.

This is the heart of the work I do with clients. Not rushing the process and not having an agenda for where someone should be. Just creating a space where it feels safe enough to start. 

Domestic abuse is more than violence.

Domestic abuse is more than violence.

It is fear. It is control. It is isolation. It is meant to make you doubt yourself. It is being watched, blamed, threatened or worn down. It is living around someone else’s moods, reactions and rules.

The latest UK figures show that domestic abuse remains widespread. They also show that the impact can be devastating, including the risk of suspected suicide following domestic abuse.

But support is available.

Something I want every person reading this to hear: you do not have to prove anything before reaching out. Not that it was bad enough. Not that you’re ready to leave. Not that you have a plan. One conversation — just one — can be the thing that changes everything. 

If someone you care about may be experiencing abuse, you do not have to have all the answers. Listening, believing and helping them connect with specialist support can make a real difference.

You are not alone. You are not to blame. You deserve safety, support and care. 💙🌱

Lana Elliott